i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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