i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Found your dick twin last night
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
