you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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