i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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