Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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