idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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