We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
