I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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