I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
