I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have aggressive nipples.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
