why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
