She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
