the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
