doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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