There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
