I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm too high and old for this...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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