everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
