do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
