Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
