I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You're like the curious george of whores
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
