guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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