I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
