Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
