also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
