So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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