walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
