honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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