Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
