so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
