Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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