I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
