i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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