i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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