i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
