It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
