the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
PANTIES FOUND
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
