He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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