okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
