Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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