They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
