I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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