We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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