Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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