I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
