i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
