1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
