3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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