Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
