i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
