I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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