I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
